I LOVE love. I love capturing those in love, I love hearing about how they fell in love, I love everything about love. Working in the wedding industry is one of the COOLEST things I will ever do. If it wasn’t so mentally demanding I would shoot 80 weddings a year. I think that finding your soulmate, your other half, is one of the greatest most exciting blessings of life.
But, it can also be the most stressful.
In a society obsessed with never being alone, or if you ever feel alone you can just open any of your social media apps so you no longer feel alone - we are constantly stimulated by human interaction. We crave it, we crave the attention, the feeling of being included, the feeling of being desired. This also opens the door of comparison. Who is already married, how old are they, how pretty is the bride, how can I change myself?
When I talk about my life I’m often always asked about who I’m dating. I’ve been pretty single for the last three years. (not many know this but I dated somebody for six, so I haven’t always been solo). When I tell people that I’m single, I get asked about all the boys I’ve ever hung out with and if I’ve dated them. These questions truly never bother me but there was a time when the more I was asked, the more I started to feel like I had failed.
I’m 23. I consider myself to be pretty young. I’ve fought really hard for almost my entire life to get to this very point and to be honest, I’m so wholeheartedly focused on my dreams that I fear I may become complacent if I were to be dating somebody in this very moment. BUT, if I had to choose to do one thing in life - it would be to experience being in love, getting married, being somebody’s favorite person.
I believe in God’s timing and I think that in this season, I’m meant to be single. I think I’m growing a lot as a person, I’m learning a lot about how to be loved, I’m learning how to love more efficiently, I’m growing closer with God, I’m trying to figure myself out. I think if I married who I dated for those six years, I wouldn’t have appreciated that love as much because I never went without it. Now, I have such a strong appreciation for when my day comes.
With all of my closest friends suddenly getting married I started to fear that I’ll always be alone. I started to think that I missed my chance. I often feared that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, interesting enough to be with somebody. When I think about being alone - I start to think of ways to change myself to be worth love. But in those moments, those moments when I’m only lying to myself, I remember to take a step back and remember:
1. Life isn’t a race, there is no correct timeline. Your 20s are your golden years - if you find the love of your life at 19, more years together! If you find the love of your life at 30, 50, 70 - how incredibly appreciative you will be! Life isn’t forever and chapters are so short. Travel the world, pursue a dream, you’ll figure it out. God has PERFECT timing.
2. I don’t have to change my entire identity or appearance just to be worthy of being loved. I am beautiful, I am creative, I am strong.
3. There is something to be found in this season of being alone. There is a reason you have recently went through a breakup, or a reason you have been single for so long. Embrace it!! Strengthen yourself, chase your dreams, be a bit selfish, be more selfless. Whatever it is, enjoy these solo moments. Figure yourself out.
4. Pray for your future husband/wife. Maybe you are going through this season so you can love them better when you find them. Maybe they are going through a really tough breakup or life event and what you are learning now will better help them when you meet them. You never know what the story is, just hold out.
5. Don’t waste perfectly healthy & able years fixating on what you don’t have. There are people who are sick, who are hurting, who do not have close to what you have in this life.. please try not to fixate on what you don’t have so much that you don’t appreciate what you do have.
and finally - being single isn’t the worst thing in the entire world and don’t let society tell you it is. You don’t NEED a man. Eat some veggies, don’t cry over boys and laugh without fear of the future.